The View from the Floor: Brain Development from a New Parent's Perspective

Judge Pamela Abernethy, FBB Board of Directors 

For many years, I sat on the Marion County juvenile court bench where I witnessed daily the multiple factors that cause intergenerational child abuse and neglect. In October of 2008, a miracle happened in my life. After a 14-month private adoption process, we became parents of a newborn infant. We named her Rose. I will never forget meeting her for the first time - the weight of the responsibility, the seismic shift in focus, the unbelievable vulnerability of a newborn.

Despite my years as a judge and a community champion for infants and toddlers, like all new parents, I didn't know much about being one. I only knew how important it was to be a good one. What could I learn from the parents I had seen in court who were not successful?

I knew that the brain is the least developed human organ at birth and doubles in weight from birth to age three. Primary caregivers have THE most profound impact on how the child's brain develops: "The quality and reliability of a child's first relationships forms the physical architecture of the child's brain," Dr. Jack Shonkoff, Harvard University. That is why child neglect in early infancy and toddlerhood is so toxic. I had seen in court that drug addiction, domestic violence, histories of trauma and abuse, and the stress of poverty caused parents who said they loved their children to neglect them terribly.

Rose is now 28 months old. While I still have much to learn, my parent's view about brain development boils down to what I call "the view from the floor." Good parenting is most fundamentally about being responsive with all five senses tuned into the child – it is being able to put one's own desires on hold and focus on your child's needs. When I became a parent, I saw more clearly how hard it was for the parents I had seen in court to make the right decisions. Smoke this cigarette because I am stressed about not having food or respond to my infant's cry? Plunk my child in front of a TV while I deal with my eviction notice or sit down and read a book with her?

In our house we have the privilege of being able to focus on parenting. While we might want to sit in a chair and read the paper, we are instead on the floor playing whatever game Rose has chosen. We might want to quit reading her favorite book at the 200th reading, but we are going for that 201st. It is our circle of support and our lack of stress that enables us to be present for Rose.

What separates us from the parents of children in court is that we have a life where we are able to be responsive. What if there were no help available for at-risk parents? Family Building Blocks is – in the most profound way – a lifeline for many struggling parents, helping them build lives so that they can parent with "the view from the floor."

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Statesman Journal